Friday, February 20, 2009

Waiting on a long line for lunch earlier in the day, I lost my place to two businessmen because I stepped out of line to get Ella who had ran towards the door. It was just a matter of not being present when the counter staff asked for the next order.

But I could see, when I returned to my spot, that I was causing confusion for the staff by being out of order and the place was busy enough without that, so I simply stepped to the back of the line.

But the lady at the end insisted I go ahead of her, so I moved up a spot.

And the businessmen noticed and apologized.

But I actually was willing to let them go ahead because I know lunch hour can be short. So, on the one hand, I wasn't passive, letting this happen to me ... I was making active, deliberate choices - and following my own will and what I thought right and appropriate but yet this emotion of sadness wells up and I almost begin to cry ... not frustration, no, rather feeling sorry for myself.

Yes, that's right - pathetic, hungry me.

Fortunately, I got my emotion in check ... I was appalled at my fragility ... and humbled by the fact that my emotions can work so hard to derail my will. I definitely need a strong dose of mortification ... eh, JIT.

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